I struggle with an eating disorder.

When I told my therapist how much I was exercising (running 10-12k everyday) she told me that I should be eating more than 2000 calories and more like 2500 calories.

I just found it really unconvincing coming from her because she's tiny herself. And honestly I can't imagine eating that much I will just balloon out of proportion.

Anyway I am not 'very thin' anymore, and our sessions are just so f***ing repetitive at the moment talking about ED and it just really upsets me. I don't want it to be this way either but I can't help it.

In the last six years I have relapsed three times each of them ending in hospitalisation. I saw a photo of myself last year and I looked like a ghost. But at the same time my ED is telling me that I need to lose weight and get back to that.

This battle is so exhausting.