I've reviewed this and don't see how what I shared here somehow fits. You said creating confusion is a tactic.

Confusion / Muddying the waters / Word twisting
“They twist your words, and accuse—all while smiling and pretending to be your biggest supporters.”
Conversations with him are confusing – you lose track but he never does.

He slyly changes the topic to something unrelated to the original conversation, often mentioning something wrong about you. You find yourself in defensive mode because he brings up something that has a kernel of truth.

He twists your words and misrepresents your motives, thoughts, and feelings.

He defines your reality for you.

He accuses you of twisted thinking and not making sense.

He brings up red-herrings to take the topic off course.

He tricks you into going on the defensive by implying, accusing or blaming you for creating problems and drama in the relationship.

He puts words in your mouth, saying, ‘Oh, so now you’re perfect?’ or ‘So I am a bad person, huh?’ when you’ve done nothing but express your feelings.

The confusion he creates is by coming out with random comments out of nowhere. JOKES at a time where we weren't in constant communication like we were at the beginning.

A non-profit would take limited money from me. Time and energy, yes, but grants and fundraising are what pays the bills for a nonprofit. And so your contention is that if I want to have a nonprofit, I'm not allowed a personal life? I guess it has never occurred to anyone that you all are so focused on ONLY what you perceive as red flags that you ignored everything positive I said about him, right? Smart, funny, supervisory experience, experience in sales. The types of things that could actually be useful to me as I build this. Someone to back me up? Pitch in?

Like I said, I'm not STUPID. I'm excited. Giddy. I've never been in a controlling relationship and I don't put up with BS from dudes. In my 30+ years of relationships, I got involved with 2 guys who had drug problems. One kept it hidden when I met him and the other was abusing his own prescribed meds. Both of those were ended by me in short order once I found out what was going on. Broke up with the young Muslim when I found out he was after a green card. So for anyone to say that I'm distracting myself from my own life goals by attempting to have a relationship, I think is REALLY reaching.

I'm not going to go back and read the 5 previous pages but as I recall, I don't think ONE PERSON bothered to ask a single clarifying question about anything I said. EVERYBODY seems to think that they KNOW some guy that they've never met and gave judgment AND OPINIONS on stuff I never asked for opinions on.
I'm assuming many of y'all have been in therapy. Is that how your therapist handled when you brought a situation to them? I doubt it.

Y'all think I have issues and maybe I do. But I guess you all are a bunch of totally together people since you're all omniscient and see clearly my situation based on bits and pieces that I shared, You all held fast to those same beliefs even as I shared clarifying information, which was then construed as me DEFENDING HIM. Maybe, just maybe, you all need to reflect on what it means to HELP someone as opposed to your version which seems to be to JUDGE and give opinions on that which opinions were never asked for. One or two people made a comment about, "No, it can't work" but, as I recall most of those were also based on the judgments made about what I'd written.

So anyway, I figured I'd give you all my judgments right back since you all were so generous with your own.