Thanks for the "catch-up" Guill:

Well, I am sorry for the "not accurately seen" experience. Deep listening is a rare skill. I don't mean reflective listening...which often becomes simply someone trying to mirror back to you what you have said. Deep listening is more than that. It sounds like you did your part in trying to not overwhelm "the other," by toning down, even though that can be difficult. I recognize that as a DBT skill. This is supposed to make "the other" more receptive to hearing you (i.e. seeing you) but unfortunately that doesn't always happen.

I think that this "not being seen" thing is a serious problem. And now, with masks and social distancing...My Word! It would take a genius in sensitivity training to get past all the barriers.


As well, suddenly we are no longer in the minority as people suffering from lack of contact. Now the whole world is complaining. So if we were not accurately seen and heard before the pandemic...what are the chances of it happening now?

I am truly afraid to say it is mostly "every person for themselves," or every little "germ tribe" for themselves. When I am at the grocery store they are constantly blaring over the loudspeaker, "We are all in this together," yet at the moment Americans are severely divided by a politicized pandemic.

So, now what?

Well, Guill, I had a "breakdown, breakthrough" sort of experience. What this means is I wallowed in a lot of self-pity...I also spent many, many days in a row not only not being accurately seen but being bullied (by some family members), ignored, and isolated.

Finally, some self-support popped out its little head. I am sure you have a lot of it stored away. We are probably afraid we will never have enough which is why we hoard it. But self-support means giving ourselves the stuff we keep waiting around for others to give us. Like validation. Encouragement. Compassion.

You've also been adding up your resources...on-line classes, piano lessons, talking to your sister, setting goals, and staying busy.

But it's all still very hard.

As for myself I started to realize that social media sites were starting to make me feel lonelier. So I re-sized mine as simply a shadow of myself, then left them. My new plan is to prepare for the FUTURE. More planning, strategizing, goal setting, and maybe a little bit of dreaming, too.

More outside activity. What has stopped me is I am tired of doing things alone. I got into a stall about this. But I need to exercise and bring more movement into my life. So I need to apply discipline.


As I said before on this thread...once a person becomes isolated it is very difficult to pull out of it. It takes a village to save an isolated soul. Because that's what happened in the old days...the village did round up isolated people. I know this for a fact. I was in the Peace Corps and lived in a village on an isolated island in the South Pacific. The villagers told me they had a hard and fast rule...No One Lives Alone. Can you imagine that??? They would make sure of it. They said...because when one is alone it allows "doors" for demons to get into someone's brain. Really this was a rudimentary way of saying...they were taking care of every individual's mental health.

And their greeting, in their language...literally meant, "I see you."

Take care. I won't lie. I have been having it rough, but I am surviving.