I have been crying all day. And I am not one to cry. The last time I cried was the first week of lockdown, nine weeks ago. This week has been tough. I realize I do not have a good support network AT ALL and I have too many problems. And have been completely isolated and alone for nine weeks now in an apartment I don't like to spend this much time in - usually I would be out and about. I was hoping to have a job by this time in 2020.


My conversation on the phone with my son did not go well today.

I wrote in my journal: Must bring down expectations of others to zero.

At the same time I want to raise expectations of self...with regards to self-care, finances, work, career, freelancing, moving, and basically being completely independent of others. I am disappointed with myself.

I lost a lifelong friendship this month (not my wish) and have not been getting along with family. Usually get along well with my son but this is my second breakdown day since lockdown began and he responds by getting angry at me and not validating my feelings.


I live alone. I have no friends or family nearby. I am not friends with any of my neighbors...because I never see them! I had plans for how to change this in 2020. I was going to be proactive, get out, work, make friends.

All plans for 2020 were dashed. I was sick most of 2019 with a respiratory illness, so am at a high risk for Covid 19.

Today called my local Crisis Hotline TWICE. I haven't been sleeping well, I am anxious and cannot get my doctor to give me something appropriate for anxiety. I am really tired of doctors giving me a hard time and not wanting to give medication for anxiety or sleeping because "it is better" to do without it. This has been an ongoing battle with my HMO. But now the anxiety can spike and cause extreme emotion.

That's all. My sadness was such I cried for about three hours off and on today. I am really lonely.


I am sad, angry, and not talking about some triggering stuff that happened this week WITH ANYONE. I don't have a therapist.

Have stopped crying but am too upset to eat and too upset to sleep.