I have been living alone since being empty-nested ten years ago. I moved twice. Once from a roomy rented three-bedroom townhouse, to a very nice one-bedroom apartment with a spacious porch, and now am squeezed into a dark and stuffy studio apartment. Each time finances have caused me to move. In my area I am paying as much in rent for a studio apartment as others (in others parts of the country) are paying for a mortgage on a four-bedroom single family home. I have been stuck here after a bad divorce. I don't own property or a home.


I am stuck because of finances.

Today I started to seriously consider that before the end of 2020 I will have to move because then rent has gone up again and is too high. Part of the reason, various property managers have told me, is that rentals skyrocketed after marijuana became legalized in my state.

In the past five years my mental health has suffered. Now I feel like I can't move again into an unknown future. I am older, with health problems, and high risk for Covid 19, amd unemployed.

I don't have a therapist and am not on medication even though my anxiety is high.

When I think about moving again, alone, to yet another new unknown apartment complex...my heart sinks. I literally do not think I have the ability to go into the future alone, and live alone. Today I had a major anxiety attack thinking about it and called my local Crisis Hotline twice.

It could be I freaked out from being totally isolated for nine weeks.


I know it sounds so crazy but the last two times I moved alone I was extremely traumatized for months and months. Before being empty-nested I had been married for over twenty years. I grew up in a large family with many siblings, and with a large extended family.

Originally I thought this "living alone" thing was only temporary. I felt certain I would end up with a new partner, or in a roommate situation, or in a large house with other singles. Why didn't that happen? Well...all of those are actually not easy to fulfill in my community. So that's that.

The future seems hopeless and I feel helpless to change it.