I think a key thing too, is to examine the relationship. I used to have push/pull all the time - for years, with people who I considered my best friends. But then I realized that part of it was that I didn't feel valued in the relationship, and that felt unstable to me. I have since abandoned a lot of those "friendships" and now have people where I feel equal; that's really helped me stabilize things. I am also better at asking for what I need in a relationship and getting it met. In my past relationships, I'd do my best to communicate those needs, but they'd fall on deaf ears - which just made me retreat more. It's not easy, but I'd say I'm more content with these friendships and they feel a bit more real.