Hi everyone, it's me again. Seem to be posting more in this forums over the last couple of years. In earlier posts I have written about how my mental health came to a head in 2018 where I left my last job because I found it very challenging and the management awful and unsupportive.

Since then I've been through hell on earth, I've remained unemployed and battled with OCD like never before. It has literally had it's grip on every part of my life. Thank god I still have my parents and a roof over my head! There is one thing I want advice on and it's filming myself on a mobile phone in public.

What happened last June was I had a 'what if?' trigger whereby I was walking around the local park and became convinced I had murdered someone. This left me sick to my stomach and distressed. I then thought it an amazing idea to start filming myself on a mobile phone so to eliminate any doubt on what I had done as I my 'what if' scenarios had become worse over time before the 'what if' murdering scenario.

So for the last year I have become a slave to filming myself on a mobile phone (on the side of a man bag) whenever I go out in public and not with my parents. This has been mentally crippling in ways I never thought. It has crushed my confidence and esteem. Over the UK winter I became frightened of being near a door incase my mind triggered.

My mind is playing 'what if' scenarios over and over in my head. I can't walk down the street without my mind going 'what if' I put my hand in that bin, what if hit that person, what if I did something inappropriate with someone. My mind will then generate a crystal clear 'false memory' of it occurring along with actual sensations etc.

I am now at a stage where I cannot trust my mind, I cannot differentiate between true memories and false memories. I've always had a good imagination, now it has become too good. I always think people have come into the house when they haven't. I can't sit outside in the garden without thinking someone has touched me and my mind generating a false memory.

Ever since 2016 my mental health has really really gone downhill. I cannot see a way forward. I'm fed up. If you've made it this far in my post I thank you.

Any suggestions as to how I can possibly recover from this?