I am really struggling today. I am ANGRY. I am a God believing person (or was!). Before I met my husband, I said and prayed to God: "please send me the man who will marry me -- you know what I need".

And the very next man I met was my soon to be husband, who lo and behold chased me, wooed me like crazy and wanted to marry me.

And look what it turned out to be. This is NOT what I wanted or needed. I am sooo angry and confused. I feel God is cruel. I don't think I want to believe anymore in God or even pray anymore. This is total BS.

I should have listened to my own gut reactions in the beginning. I should not have trusted or believed that God actually sent me the right man to marry. I was sooooo stupid and naive.

I should always listen to myself foremost. I used to and stopped doing this as of late. Another stupid freaking mistake. I was better off in life when I followed my own gut and what my gut told me and what my heart and mind always told me to do.

And I am angry at my parents for kicking me out two years ago, placing me in a most desperate situation. Had they been more lenient, I never would have moved in with him soooo fast and I probably would not be in the bind I am in today.

Screw everything. I am fed up with life overall. I've had it.