after being so high and feeling good, today i am way way down. i went to my son's stepsons b'day party. they were having a good time, i just couldn't join in. i ate my lunch in the livingroom where i dropped it all over my jeans and their carpet. they didn't make me feel bad, i did. i punished myself and after the cake, i went home. my son told me that his unemployment ran out and now there is no money. i'm very upset about that and i want to cry but the tears won't come. and i want a diet coke so bad, i am so addicted to them . but i have only $5 in my acct. i hate water and that is all that's left. what a sucky day. i hate myself. i took my mom to pick up 2 bar-b-q chicken and all the way over there she kept saying"you're driving in the middle of the road" i told her i wasn't and she said you girls can't take any critizium. that's anotherthing, i have forgotten how to spell. i have always been a good speller but no more. see how sucky i am? headache, fingers swollen, sleepy but can't sleep and hot, very hot. i just want a coke and maybe i would feel better. i doubt it. janet you suck. "create the kind of self you will be happy to live with all your life." Foster C. McClellan yea, right.pj