And on that note, I am having a really hard time with this decision. Like last night when he was coming home, I was excited to see my husband. And then he was so cute and endearing all night with me that I felt heart pangs. He has no clue what i am going through right now, and I felt sick to my stomach over it.

IF I do leave him, it's really going to be completely heart wrenching, and I know I will break his heart and that he will be devastated. I also know that I do need to think of myself in this equation.

I wish this wasn't so hard. I am definitely torn.

And I haven't told my parents a single thing about any of this. I am keeping this from them. I don't want their influence, OR for them to try and take control over the situation, which is what they will do. They try to tell me what to do. It's just another headache I don't need, but I wish I could just talk to them about it.