I am exhausted, I feel worthless, stupid, I do not enjoy anything anymore, I want peace, I want to die, but I cannot stop doing things, I have sold old stuff, bougth a bunch of plants and other stuff including an aquarium. Tomorrow I am getting the fishes and Next week a Cat.

I need to rest but I cannot stop the thoughts and actions. I feel so frustrated and angry I wanted to jump un front of a car because the traffic light was red.

I cannot stop feeling so many extreme emotions at the same time for no reason.

So many urges
So many thoughts i cannot think clearly by myself.

I talked to my therapist by phone bc I was SUI, he asked me if I wanted to go IP or go to the clinic (I was to tired to walk there), I said no. He told me to go to the clinic Next Tuesday (they are doing phone sesions since the COVID). I promised him I would be there and I will.

ITS ALWAYS THE SAME ROLLER COASTER TWICE A YEAR

APs dont work

I do not want to Live all my Life like this.

I feel like a fraud, I must be OK. I do not know if going to the clinic on tuesday. I shouldnt if I am a fraud. I am afraid of letting my T know my agitation, he just knows about the depression.

I am not talkative and always look calm, very very calm.