At first, my answer would have been "nothing." However, I've noticed this past week that my urge to "act out" has lessened based on feeling "heard" by the therapist. I know that's extremely cliche. This goes for both for in sessions and out. Out of session is probably more important lately. When I have communicated distress about something on two different occasions over text, she has responded like it actually matters. It was not necessary to do anything other than communicate my distress for her to be responsive. I did not need to manufacture any sort of drama between us in order to get her to pay attention.

Usually when I push away, it's because I want to communicate to the other person that I don't need them after all. I think I want to hurt their feelings like they hurt mine and make them regret letting me down. I think I'm trying to displace my own feelings of dependence onto the other person by asserting a false independence from them, if that makes sense - because I hope they miss me and thus feel dependent on me to meet some need.