I talked with my mom. I was really open and talking about things like i never have. I'm more assertive and honest. Things are ok.

I hope I stay in this mental state. I feel like I'm becoming like everyone else instead of verbally bad autist even though everyone else is crazy and it can be a curse.

I timed myself to go to sleep at 12am so I have time to go crazy with my thoughts and tire myself out. My mom says I'm really intelligent cuz I analyze random things to the point of exhaustion but Idek what intelligence exactly is. One woman said I seemed smart and I was like "It's just my personality" and wasn't sure if that was true but idk brain waves and certain traits? It's like.. What is reality? No one knows.

No one knows anything. I might go mad who knows. My dad is concerned that i could "go nuts" which is why he facetimed me today.. My mom said to tell him about money but i said it's fine.. He doesn't want to be with my mom and she wants to live with him but he doesn't want her to have a bf so it makes it hard for her and I say to my mom that im going to tell my therapist that i want to move out and have my own apartment i said id get lonely too and need someone to help with my mental health so it's all a **** cluster of thoughts.

I'll just keep thinking and thinking then take a zopi and fall asleep dream it out only have a few hours of productive time tomorrow might read tonight or tomorrow chores to do etc mindless tasks bringing up the past trauma etc.

But it's ok.