The Fibromyalgia/CFS is easing up a bit thankfully. This has allowed me to engage in more activity. I even managed to stay over my partners Friday night and socialise with one of his friends. I got mentally tired after a couple of hours but I didn't crash. Tomorrow I am having coffee with a girlfriend. We haven't caught up for months. In fact I haven't caught up with any friends, bar one, for months so I am really looking forward to it. Despite this improvement I still have to pace myself and rest regularly throughout the day. Today I managed a seven minute walk before I felt dizzy. Not much, but it is an improvement from barely making it to my letterbox before crashing.

Although I have improved, I am far from being ready for study, and definitely not work. My life is really boring. It is difficult to not fall into despair over my physical illness and significant limitations. Meditation helps me stay focused on the present and find some peace. If I think too much about the past or future I go into a panic. Deep down I am always terrified. I think it is PTSD related and only time in safety and mental health will heal it. Unfortunately, this fear makes me withdraw a lot when around people. My partner noticed it when I stayed over. I can engage for a while then without thinking about it I will suddenly 'check out' emotionally. I hate it. I feel like a cardboard cutout of myself.