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SarahSweden · May 31, 2020 at 09:44 AM

Thanks here today. Yes, what makes our relationship weird is that she more or less ignore the fact that I need more help. At the same time I know she´s not in a position to do much but at least I expected her to talk with a manager.

I now see her more or less only for practical reasons, to be able to keep my sick leave and get my welfare. This is though rather common in Sweden as our mental health care system seldom offer proper help. Instead it locks people in and keeps them in a non profitable situation.

Yes, I believe she thinks my meetings with her are better than nothing and perhaps they are. Within our public mental health care they more or less never do proper check-ups on patients and how they feel isn´t interesting. By that, my counselor´s managers don´t bother she doesn´t reach any results with her patients.

I´ve brought this up many times, in different ways and I shouldn´t have to mention this every time to get her to understand.

Within relationships with friends or a partner I agree you have to accept the other for who he/she is and not try to change the other person. But within health care, the counselor, therapist, doctor and so on should adapt to the patient. It´s not in any way acceptable to be a patient for years without getting the help you need and then in the end it´s the patient who´s expected to just accept things as they are.

Quote:

Originally Posted by here today

Hi Sarah,

You wrote:

Here, in this thread anyway, hopefully we can give some of that to you. If not, people are frustrating sometimes, that’s for sure. Including institutions and counselors!

As you know, I have tried to get help for my issues, including trying to get some good definitions of what they were, and they didn’t have anything that helped much and it made things worse in some instances. So, I do not think there is such a thing as a proper therapy for some issues (yet). Despite what their books and other recommendations say. So – then what?

Can you say more about how you feel your relationship has become weird? Are you feeling frustrated that she can’t “get” for you the care you feel you need?

You wrote:

Is this perhaps the crux of things feeling weird, or at least conflicted for you?

How are you with relationships in general? Is that perhaps one of your issues? If it is, then perhaps she is trying her best to relate to you person-to-person despite your issues. Since, in my experience, there isn’t any reliably good therapy for that in some instances, despite what “they” say and write.

Maybe she hopes this relationship will give you some experience in day-to-day things, which can help you in your regular life, too?

Would it help the weirdness if you mentioned to your counselor that you are still finding this situation very frustrating?

You also wrote:

In my view, her reasons are her reasons, even if they seem strange to you. An important aspect of relationships I think I have learned somewhat, finally, is – other people are other people. They are who they are. They do what they do, for their own reasons that are often not in my control and not really my business, except maybe to try to understand them, in order to make my life and the relationship easier.

Yes, she knows you want and need something else and, yes, she can’t offer that – so she offers and does what she does. You still want and need something else – she can’t give it. Frustrating, again, but she can’t give what she can’t give. It is easier, in my experience, just to try to accept that kind of thing. Strange, to you, maybe? To her, probably not, even if you don’t understand why she is and does the things she does.

Hope this helps and is in the ballpark of what you asked for.