Hi lady2b, I hear you. Without hesitation, I encourage you completely. Leave. Plan carefully, communicate clearly, fear nothing, and follow your heart. You deserve to be happy, and at 51, two kids and all those years later, anyone who says you didn't try is wrong.

I believe I would respond to you that way regardless of my own experience from reading your very articulate post. But in fact, I left a ten year marriage for exactly those reasons. that was a few years ago. Now, I've been with my partner for two years. She came out of a 30 year marriage much like you describe but possibly with more outright power and control crap. In two years now niether one of us has ever looked back. It's lively, it's love. We deserved it and you do too. Good luck 2 you, and take heart. It's tough, change is, but if it is what you want, you have the right.

btw, my partner's kids all came around quickly enough.

And what if it is selfish? Your SELF matters a great deal, yes? Go.

My advice when I give any is rarely mainstream, but I find the whole concept of a "mainstream" to be sort of incomprehensible. I really hope you persue your happiness. Good luck.