You mentioned earlier you were giving up on the idea of couples therapy with him. From experience with my 1st marriage, I made sure I did everything I could to try to make it work, including therapy, right up to the bitter end. That way I walked away knowing I did my absolute best. Be prepared as well, once you start the divorce process and even right after a divorce, he may try to win you back. Make sure that you aren't blinded by his soothing words and really watch his actions all the way past the divorce. Unless he truly changes, don't give in. But if you do see the changes, give him a chance. I have seen marriages turn around right at the last minute. But I have also seen people take the abuser back after divorce only to watch them cheat/abuse again.