Very good idea you have of putting the focus on your own needs and how you give in having to always tend to her needs and even end up feeling your needs are not important.

When another person leans disordered or narcissistic, they don't really LISTEN. They do not REALLY pay attention to YOUR emotional needs or what you even say to them. They typically look at things in very black and white ways where it's just a problem solve to them. X is fixed by Y. That constantly leaves the other person feeling "unheard" and "emotionally neglected". Typically, something is only important if it's important to them. This kind of individual doesn't really pay attention to "emotional needs", they tend be on the dry side that way. That's what I meant about the Well analogy, and often the Well, isn't deep enough to hold the water you pour into it, so there is really never enough for you to get when your emotional thursts develop. The Well, is in fact SHALLOW and no amount of your labor to fill it will change the fact that the Well, is simply just a shallow well.

That can be especially hard when someone struggles with ptsd due to experiencing a history of being emotionally abused or neglected. A person who can actually sit and LISTEN as you explain your emotional needs has the ability to CONSIDER and RESPECT your emotional needs. A person who CANNOT sit and LISTEN like that will only give you the X problem means do Y. And they do NOT remember YOUR emotional needs AT ALL. So you find yourself feeling very ALONE with your emotional needs, even feeling GUILTY for having emotional needs. Often a person simply develops "petting" techniques like I mentioned, but that's MORE about keeping YOU or OTHERS engaged in THEIR DRAMA, DRAMA, DRAMA.

These kind of individuals tend to attract individuals with "codependent" issues. And they can also attract individuals who problem solve because those people are handed enough control and petted to keep them engaged and feeling like they have the power which is what they care about the most.

You are living with a person that needs the world to revolve around her, she is disordered and is not capable of listening to how YOU feel. This can leave a person feeling that their needs are not important, even that if they share their feelings they may be punished or are told to "just ignore their feelings". The message is "don't bore me with your feelings, it has to be about Me, Me, Me". Don't you realize my Well is shallow and for me to function at all I need you to "fill me, fill me, fill me" and ALL I CAN DO IS hand you these little "petting" phrases so you keep laboring to fill MY SHALLOW WELL?