Thanks for sharing your struggle. I don't have any suggestions as to how you can recover from this. But I wanted to let you know I read your post. And I wish you success in figuring this out. Chances are you're probably aware of Exposure & Response Prevention Therapy for OCD. But, just in case not, here are links to 4 articles, from PC's archives, on the subject:
What Is ERP for Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder?
Exposure and Response Prevention Therapy for OCD
ERP Therapy: A Good Choice for Treating OCD
Anxiety and Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) Therapy
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"I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last)
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