Thank you both above for keeping an eye on my thread. His family and mine are all 2000 miles away. So I don't have the natural supports of having family close by. But I knew I would be quite alone when this day came. I think I can handle that. Then COVID makes everything so different and abnormal. His family have been caring toward me. I guess I will fly back there. I guess there will be some kind of getting together and some kind of a wake. His daughter in NY just told me there would not be a normal funeral service . . . no funeral Mass. That will seem strange. I've always liked going to funerals. I've always liked the quiet conversations I would have with family members at the funeral parlor and then afterward at a reception after the burial. His daughter had very nice plans all laid out. Then COVID changed everythjng. I think protecting the health of the living is paramount.

I have to try and sleep now. One way or another, everything will work out. I have a sister who will look after me wben I get back there. It will be good to see my family that I haven't seen in 6 years.

Grief is tough, but I've never found grief as bad as depression. Both of my parents passed away, and I went through normal grief with those losses. I'm in pain now, but I'm not depressed. As long as I don't get into a trough of depression, I'll be able to cope. I truly believe life still holds possibilities for me.

Right now I need to sleep.