It's midnight here and I'm ****ing pissed about practically everything! Grrrr. This is really more of a rant, but I feel the need to get my story out because for all I know it could help someone.
First I feel like my therapist just gave up on me and is just doing sessions to make my pdoc happy that I'm in therapy instead of doing what a decent person would do and ****ing fire me as her patient. **** it, I've never had a good individual therapist. I'm not answering next time she calls. I'm thinking of dropping all treatment together. My bipolar/schizoaffective diagnosis is ******** anyways. You know what led to my first diagnosis? Being angry at my therapist and my dad telling the psychiatric nurse practitioner that "[I get] hyper and sad." Then that moron was like "yup, sounds bipolar to me." Then in IOP the psychiatrist there diagnoses pretty much everyone that walks through those doors as bipolar. Literally every friend I've had from those groups was diagnosed bipolar by that pdoc. I admit I have some dysfunctional habits, yes, but everyone does, and not everyone is bipolar. I feel like all these assholes did to me for years was gaslight me and it got to me. Not just the psychiatrists/nurse practitioners/therapists, but exes, parents, friends, etc. All some ****ing stupid plot because they knew I would rule the ******* world some day or win a nobel peace prize or some ****. But no, instead of letting me do my thing they ruin me. Ridiculous.
I'm getting away from these people. No more injections, no more therapy, no more pdoc, nada. If the **** hits the fan, oh well. I'm going to move too to get away from all my "friends" and "family" who just screw me over.I'm pretty sure my ex has been stalking me since the last time we talked like three years ago too. Just a gut instinct I know is right. He's probably disappointed in me for letting all this **** happen, but hell for all I know he was in on it too.
Ciao!