Well that hospitalization did not do much but give me more body aches. I have the skills but don't use them. I've been through DBT, been in therapy for 15 years, and have attended grad school for counseling. Like I said I have the skills, why do I not use them?

I spent a lot of today listening to music. Has it helped? Not really. It's kept my mind occupied, but the very act of doing nothing is driving me nuts!! Then why don't I do something?? I know it would help! Yet here I sit, typing on PC. I know part of the reason is I don't feel like doing much, and I can't decide on what to do. I am down, and my body is telling me to rest. But emotionally I need to be doing something.

I just need to be accountable to do something. I need to feel that putting my oxygen mask on first is important. Yet, here I sit. I need to do something to get me out of this deep pit! I need to decide, and take action. In therapy, I have discussed this I decision, and saying I don't know often. I need to build the skills up, but I'm scared that my life will change. But it needs to change.

I'm frustrated that I have suffered this long. I need consistency. But for some reason, something holds me back. I know I'm not the only one. I need to hear from you, do you let fear hold you back, and how have you overcome this feeling of fear?