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*Beth* · Jun 01, 2020 at 05:48 PM

I've put a trigger warning on this post because there might be triggering info throughout it.

Just had the third video session with my therapist. I hate the video sessions. Hate them. I feel like they've destroyed the connection between my therapist and I - and we had a close bond; we often spoke of that.

Today I talked about a dream I had regarding my mother's husband. The dream was not a happy one, but it was informative. My mother's husband was a severely unstable man, clearly mentally and emotionally unwell, and was also an alcoholic.

Possible trigger:

He was violent, severely cruel and destructive, and physically abused both my mother and I. He sexually molested me for eight years (ages 9 to 17).

In therapy (in person) I have discussed, at length, what happened with the man. I did not give my therapist exact details of his sexual abuse, but I thought I had made what he did very clear; there are no "possibles" about it...I clearly remember his abuse, what happened, how I felt, etc.

During the video session today my therapist referred to abuse "whether we consciously remember it, or not." I said, "Oh, I consciously remember what he did..." She looked confused and said, "So you have clear memories ?"

Uh, yeah. I have clear memories. Is it possible that because I didn't give explicit details, she had misunderstood? Is it because we are trying to do these pseudo-sessions on video the problem?

I just shut down. She suggested that we do art therapy during a video session and I can show her what I draw. I cannot envision that happening, not over video. But I said, "Okay." I said okay because I feel at a loss.

I'm completely unstrung since the video sessions started. I feel that all the work we did is over. I want to stop therapy until (IF) in-person sessions resume. But I tried to do that 2 weeks ago and had a bad time of it, started crashing; my pdoc insisted that I continue with the video crap and she made appointments with my therapist for me.

Why am I having such a rough go of this?! All my therapist and I are now is talking tech-heads, we're not real people in a genuine relationship. Why did my therapist forget such crucial personal information - obviously she had me mixed up with someone else. At least that's likely. We stopped the stupid session and I felt so bad.

What are my options?...I can't seem to see them.