Thank you @puzzclar for sharing this.
I am sorry you're going through so much and that you feel your fear is holding you back.
I know that feeling all too well and I still have to overcome this fear of failing/harming that I have. Somehow my mind is always finding a way to paralize me with that. But I am trying to learn more about this fear so that it's not this big, dark shadow swallowing me whole and squeezing me breathless. Regarding some aspects of my life I'd like to think I've grown stronger and am maybe even able to channel my fear. And with others I am still struggling ...still trying.
But reading how you haven't given up and it sounds like you've had quite the journey so far gives me hope,too. Thank you for that and I wish you all the strength to keep on. You are marvelous.