I can't understand firsthand what you are experiencing, but it sounds really hard and I can imagine it would be very hurtful to feel she didn't understand what you had told her about your trauma. Would you feel comfortable telling her how it made you feel?

I'm working on it. downandlonely suggested emailing...I am most likely more comfortable with emailing than I am telling her video head.

I don't want to speculate too much, but it seems that you are catastrophizing a bit about the relationship not being genuine anymore. Like if the dynamic has changed that the relationship is totally gone. I don't say that to minimize your experience, it's just something I've done before myself and so I wanted to bring it up just in case it is helpful.

I appreciate your honesty, fleurs. I know. I'm embarrassed. But I feel like it's a catastrophe. I feel like crying. And I keep having this feeling that she doesn't care as much about me as she did before. I had no doubt, before, that she cared. Now, meh, I'm just another anonymous client.

I keep wondering if the video problem has to do with my age? I mean, I'm 57...first used a computer when I was 37. So is my brain resisting this "new" way of communicating? If so, why am I so resistant?

I'm sorry...I don't expect you to have answers. I'm just thinking out loud, so to speak.

I am editing to add that I may have misunderstood and perhaps you meant you feel the relationship is not genuine. I read it as you thought you really did not have one anymore. Sorry that I may misinterpreted and my response may not be useful.

No...what you posted is thoroughly understandable, and I thank you I think I feel like the relationship has lost the feeling of being genuine...as if she and I are suddenly strangers.