I am new here but in searching the forums I have read heartbreaking and difficult stories from several of you. I am completely prepared to be flamed for this but I would like honest opinions from anyone on either side of a similar situation. I have been having an affair with a married man for the last 4 years. He is 58 with 2 grown kids and I am 40 and also married with 2 elementary age kids. We have been close friends for over 10 years but it really only became serious 4 years ago. Both of our spouses are aware but I don’t think either truly understands the severity. His wife has moved out and they have discussed divorce as have my husband and I but with there marriage exceeding 30 years and mine over 15 and kids and finances all mixed in nobody has made the first move. I cannot speak to his marriage but mine has never been “good enough” and I’ve always needed companionship my husband doesn’t wish to give or care to have himself. Now that he is angry with me he is verbally abusive to both myself and our children. I never believed in divorce but the cognitive dissonance is driving me crazy so I feel at this point I need to proceed and end the madness by divorcing as I am incapable and unwilling to walk away from this other man with whom I have found a long lasting friendship, intimate connection and head over heels love. How do I approach this with my husband, my lover, my children and legally? I have met with an attorney regarding my options but my husband and I have nothing agreed upon and I do not think he will be cooperative given the situation.