Rider,
If the professionals are referring you to another provider, make an appointment. At least find out what that new person has to say about your situation.

From what you described, it seems like you are ambivalent to your situation. And that can produce different results for each person. Could you share more on how you spend your time away from work? Some times when I work, I don't take care of myself. I know that if I don't take care of me, I end up with negative feelings towards myself. Maybe you are the same way.

I hope you find peace.
Puzzclar