I was honest for the first time, I could be honest because doc listened to me without judging me, overreacting or forcing me to take a path I do not want to take.

In the past, I have lied a lot to avoid IP or being forced to take meds. I was lying because of fear.

I usually shut down when overwhelmed by racing thoughts and voices, that makes me look weird but unless I tell you what I am feeling and sensing you cannot know what It is happening. I guess that is why I have been misdiagnosed with a lot of things that did not make sense (like a PD when I was like a whole week sleeping 0 hours and wanted to kill myself and everyone else due to the extreme agitation and anger, It was not me, I am not like that, I was like possessed. The IP doc thougth I was always suicidal and angry).