I couldn’t hide it any longer.
My gender doesn’t align with my body. It never has. This secret has been with me, since I was a very young girl.
The need to address this secret has been getting stronger, and stronger. I can barely tolerate it now. The last year it has been on my mind a lot, probably because I reached some life milestones that liberated me from the confines of society and traditional gender roles. One example is getting a full time job in a male dominated profession.
Today I told my psychiatrist (who does therapy). All my secrets are out. It is a strange but pleasant feeling. Her reaction was mostly what I had anticipated. She was supportive and not surprised to learn this about me. I admitted, that I wanted to share this a few years before, but didn’t out of shame.
I learned that my psychiatrist consults on gender dysphoria. I was surprised to learn this. She told me that she would be concerned if the client was seeking this to become a different person, and/or reacting to an abandonment. E.g., Client has BPD. My motive is for my gender to match my physical body, so she wasn't worried about me.
I felt tremendous relief when I told her that I want to start living as a man now. Now I am going to start this journey.