Thanks bpcyclist.
Just got back from my therapist. I just sat and cried in front of him. I don't usually do this but I just couldn't help myself. I don't know how much longer this can go on.
Like you write, it's important to keep going no matter what. This is the hardest I've ever had to go through, no contest. And I hope it's the hardest I will have to go through. I really don't know how I've lasted this long. I don't know how it'll end. I hope I get through it. I really do. But at some point the pain throughout the day just becomes too much. I'm sure you know what I mean. I don't think anyone who hasn't experienced it will ever understand what it's like.

Thanks so much for the motivation. It's good to hear this when it feels like the world is doing everything it can to knock you out. Often, when I want to feel better I watch youtube videos of people who have gone through great obstacles in their life, like addiction, and seeing them get better gives me hope too. If they can do it so can I.