There is a perfect clarity with which I can look at my life now. After days and days of crying, losing myself in dissociation, coming back to my senses, crying again…
My father may have had committed the incest and it almost ruined my psyche, but my mother committed an emotional incest. That was the missing part, that I just could not work through before.
But now, I just look at my life – and I can say my life, as I finally see it as my life-narrative – and I clearly see their motivations and their deranged narcissistic behaviour towards me.
I wonder how did I survive.
I seriously wonder how did I not just kill myself, numerous times, from all the sorrow that they caused me – I guess it is beyond sorrow, it is beyond grief, if you read this, I am sure you know what I am talking about…Where did I find the courage to accept myself and my life? It is a wonder.
I know I will have hard times again…but I will never go back to where I was before.