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FluffyDinosaur · Jun 03, 2020 at 03:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BethRags

I thought that when the rest of my life was a battle to be stable, at least I could rely on my mental health providers. They promised me, over and again, how they would never abandon me, blah, blah. I only half-believed them, but now I feel gut-punched because just a little bit I did believe them.

I have discovered that my well-being, and that of other patients, is not their top priority. I feel that my trust has been broken and betrayed.

I was always wary of the news media, knowing that at base, it's entertainment. That said, I thought we could trust the news to give us basic truths, stats, etc. But as you posted, "At this point I'm left without any faith in society, politics, the media, and people's ability to behave rationally and sensibly."

I feel the same way. I feel really anxious and afraid now. Absolutely re-traumatized. I'm trying hard to fight it, but it is a fight.

I know from my own volunteer work and connection to my local mental health community that there are many, many people who feel like you and I do.

And maybe we will get that COVID "second wave" that will prove us wrong.

All I know right now is that I feel lost. I'm trying not to constantly focus on how adrift I feel, but it's hard when my mind keeps going over all of it. I guess all I can do is remember to breathe and work toward not becoming so bitter that I feel even worse than I did when I started therapy.

I'm really sorry and I empathize because I feel the exact same way. I trusted my therapist to be the one stable factor that I could always rely on and that I could use as a foundation for getting better. Then, at the first sign of trouble, that whole foundation crumbled and they all just left me in free fall for months. It's like they didn't think helping me was important enough to arrange any kind of proper care. I feel so deeply, deeply betrayed. I used to think my therapist really cared about me, but now I feel like all of mental health care is just a charade of people pretending to give a damn for a living, then just going home and not giving a rat's *** whether or not I'm dying inside. Now, the sessions just feel empty and meaningless because how can I genuinely talk to someone when I'm convinced they couldn't care less about me?

I'm also trying to stay positive and not become too bitter, but having a hard time of it. I hope next time I talk to my therapist we can talk this over and reach some kind of resolution, but I suspect this is yet another thing that's going to take a lot of time to heal.