Hello flowerfairy: I see this is your first post here on PC. Welcome to Psych Central.

I don't know as I can really explain what you are experiencing. Perhaps I could speculate that you have a yearning for affection, maybe something you didn't receive enough of growing up, that is causing you to have the feelings you're experiencing. And perhaps the feelings you're experiencing may be directed at these two girls because they were or are familiar & feel safe? Honestly I don't really know. These are simply ideas I'm throwing out.

One thing I do know, from personal experience, is that it's not at all unusual for thoughts about something to feel much more intense than does the actual experience. Often the real experience one has, after imagining something, can be a letdown. So it makes sense to me that when you would think about these girls you might get butterflies in your heart. But when you actually meet up with them you simply feel friendliness. This all may have nothing to do with your sexual orientation. It may have to do with something about your life, past & / or present, that is lacking.

One concept you might look into, in regard to this, is the idea of childhood emotional neglect. There's a forum, here on PC, dedicated to that subject. Here's a link:

https://psychcentralforums.com/child...ional-neglect/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.