I don't want my mom to die. I teared up when I saw a picture "All mothers were summoned when george floyd called out for his momma".

But anyways, I can't leave here. I need help and I went on reddit and people are taking advantage of the same news for their benefit. The news will change to something else like it always does because the thing is;

I do the exact opposite of what other people tell me to think or do. I've always been that way. '

My sister is manic. It's freaking me out. I don't know if she's taking an SSRI and everyone's lying to me. I don't know what's real.

I looked down a powerful ice cold water canyon today and



I started to get derealization so I took 7.5mg of olanzepine and diazepam.

I don't like being the same as everyone else and I like to be completely authentic and true to myself.

But everything is so annoying. I have a literal mental pain in my head when I try to think - and it's NOT a headache.. Although I've had a headache today.. I took 1mg xanax because my veins were big - I'm afraid of the olanzepine messing with my heart and the chocolate. I need a place to study and be quiet and stress free. My mom is telling me to find a job if that would help me.

I don't feel normal stressed. I have severe dementophobia;

"The fear of madness is generally known as dementophobia. People who suffer from this fear are afraid that they are going insane or losing touch with reality. The fear may be triggered by a family history of mental illness or periods of severe stress."

I don't want to end up in the psych ward because they'll change my meds. People aren't normal anymore - I'm afraid that people are being violent and primitive revving their engines and such, completely out of control.

I don't find things funny at all sometimes. I don't take things seriously. I have no morals - Just convictions that are so strong i know they are bad but i don't know who i am anymore.