I'm thinking this may be more of the issue. Ya, what he said was pointless, for sure. If it was a one-off comment, I think it's extreme to go to the lengths you have with it. It's deep rooted within you and these insecurities have little to do with his comment. Maybe talking to a therapist about it first would be helpful, before attempting to bring it up during couples counseling..?

Having said that, if there are other related issues around it then it's an indirect putdown to purposely make you feel insecure. What's he like around other women? Does he comment about them.. in passing, while watching TV, etc? Does he check out other dark haired women in front of you?

I think there needs to be a pattern in his behaviours before making the assumption that he's sabotaging your self-esteem since "HE'S" insecure.. particularly if you're wanting to seek "revenge".