trying. I've been in your position and still am, reluctantly needing to go to family for help. It was and still is humaliating but I found myself in a position where there was no other alternative. We have to do what we have to do, but it doesn't mean we have to like it. I'm not at all suggesting that you're not, but I try to concentrate on how grateful I was/am that I have a family that was/is able to fall back on when I needed them most. I'm sure you are too. I know how it makes you feel inside, I really do. Just know that you are not alone in your plight. I have been there and I'm sure many others have too. I'm here for you if you'd like to talk. (((((((trying))))))))