hi rose, i spent 26 years caring for my pets. they occupied my days and nights, my thoughts. my dearest friend was my ex but he was my ex. my mother was the only other constant in my life. when my pets died and my mom died, i was left purposeless and adrift and feeling so lonely. i still feel that way at times but that is only because i am very passive. you took such good care of your boyfriend. your posts were filled with all that you did for him despite the ups and downs. he was your world. now that he has passed, it might be quite an adjustment for you. you will have to find a new purpose. i really feel for you. you try to help others everywhere on pc. you really deserve to be happy.