My husband has displayed abusive behaviors. He does make mean jokes, that I've set a boundary around (ie, no more jokes aimed at me). In our fights, he has turned everything around on me, making me out to be "psycho", the one who started the fight, the one with the anger issues, and the one who is to "blame" for every single fight that HE in fact starts because he starts yelling at me. He turns the tables all around on me to make ME at fault and him absolved of any responsibility. He plays the blame game and says things like "you started it". He's even justified his yelling at me, because of something I said that angered him. And when we've fought, he has said some very cruel things, like "no wonder you've never been married!" and "you have problems!"

All of this has very much been tamed over the last many months and practically a non-issue, until 4 weeks ago when he yelled at me again and we fought as a result.

Yes, there is a pattern of behavior that I've witnessed. The comment about dark haired women I know was deliberate to make me feel insecure and "less than". Why else say something like that? Why not keep it to oneself IF he truly does have a preference that I do not give him? What's the point of saying it when he knows I have lighter hair? Clearly, it was designed to make me feel insecure, and it worked.