Yesterday, i felt horrible the first half of the day. Later i talked to one of her friends, she said that that's just how it goes sometimes. I felt so infuriated, i actually felt much better because i imagined how we would talk with her (with her pushing me away even as a friend). I imagined how i'd tell her how much i've sacrificed, how much i've suffered, how many times i've forgiven her. Only to have her dump me. I felt like im in power again, i felt strong. Only to see her at work today again to feel so weak. I'm truly trying to cope, but everytime something just goes off inside of me. I feel completely out of my control, i make plans on how i would behave, only to have them broken.
Do you know what i hate most about myself? The fact that i forgave infidelity once, going against myself, none of my friends would understand, only to be dumped again. I was almost over her yesterday, but in reality i still forgive her, i still haven't let go...