Quote:
Originally Posted by guy1111
I agree, that if you understand women, you don't tell them your preference for physical attributes, especially if they don't have those attributes. He very may well be saying these things and making thinly veiled insults to you, and trying to get you hide your figure, etc. because he is insecure about how attractive you are and the reactions you get from other men. That is on him to work out, with your help if needed. It is definitely something to discuss in marriage counseling.
But mulling over it, I have learned, only hurts you. Any time I brood over my wife's behavior, I end up feeling really awful. So in reality I am punishing myself. Also, I am saying that even though it's her bad behavior, I chose her as a wife, so I chose this POS and until I leave her, I am just as much a POS. This doesn't help anybody. I have to catch myself when I do this and remind myself of her good qualities and mine.
This is a deep rooted self image issue that you have to work out so it doesn't hurt so bad, and also try and work it out so that he doesn't keep hurting you.
I am going through similar issues and it's very hard.
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Hugs to you. And thank you.
The only way I can handle this is to lose the extra weight that I've gained so that I DO feel as attractive, sexy and appealing as I once felt. I don't mean to sound like a total a-hole, but I know I am striking and very attractive to the opposite sex, and men do look at me, so when I am thinner, I feel that more attractive and much more self assured within my body.
I think it IS his own insecurity talking and that he is afraid I may leave for another man if I feel good about myself and if other men find me appealing.
Him trying to always get me to eat fattening foods so that I never lose weight and in fact, gain weight, attests to this.
It's very hard for me to just focus on the positives when the negatives are all staring at me in the face. I am trying to look at the negatives and assess if I can stay with him or not. That's where I am. So just looking at the positives, no offense, but for me, that's like saying bury your head in the sand and ignore the negatives. I am trying to figure all of this out, it's taking me time to process it all and to figure out how I feel, what is possible and can we realistically be together.
And yeah, maybe it feels awful to stare the negatives in the face. But I am. And I would suggest the same for you, even if it feels terrible. There's a reason WHY it feels terrible, and it's because negative things are going on. You can't ignore problems and just brush them under the rug. I can't at least.