I want to offer my most heartfelt empathy for what you are experiencing. I know you've been through so very much and there is a lot to process. Backed up chores, extra pills on hand because you forgot to take them, etc are perhaps symbolic of that need. A blockage that is causing a pileup.

I don't have a good dermatology analogy, but in technology that looks like bad data that cannot be processed until the inputs are upgraded. The bad data starts throwing errors and all of the data behind it piles up and starts causing issues all throughout your system until you find the corrupt records and address them. Once addressed, the piled up data can be processed and an appropriate flow can be established again.

I do not have the answers you seek. I do know without a doubt that you do. I accept you as you are. I hold compassion for you as you are. My only thoughts are to seek to learn what you are meant to learn from this and love yourself for being open to change. And... Find a way to process what keeps coming up over and over and over. The psychosis is representative of corrupt data. Talk to us. Talk out loud. Write it down. Analyze your dreams. Call a friend. Call a help line. Join an online support group. I do not have the answer of what will work and only you can know what you need.

You're sharing something with us that is deeply personal and you're looking for a way out. That is very brave. In my experience the doorway to out does not exist though. It is a doorway to 'through' that integrates the experience.

The same is true in tech systems. We do not toss the corrupt data out because it happened for a reason and it will happen again if we ignore it. Instead, we look at it to figure out what it represents and decide how to handle it in the future.

For example, imagine we have a error in our system. It crashed. We have to figure out what is wrong so we investigate. Our first question is to ask, when did the problem start? Then we review all of the data from that time to find the source.

Imagine we have a field on a form that captures money allowed someone to type in 'hfgjugbkkff'. That would be an unexpected entry. Our system would then error out every time we run a function that sums up all of the money entries because you cannot add gibberish. We realize this is the root of all of our errors we see now.

So what do we do? What did we learn? First, we need to decide what this data represents to the user. What was their intent? Maybe we decide this was an attempt to tell us they have no money. We expected zero for the input and they typed in gibberish. We decide to adjust our system to allow users to tell us they do not have a value to enter and leave it blank and maybe we add code to check to ensure the value they give us is numerical. We also add a helpful note on the screen to leave the field blank if needed. That way, we anticipate and appreciate their possible needs and help to ensure we can process future scenarios without the same error and resulting data chaos and backups. We do not judge the user because our system just couldn't process what they offered. They helped us see where we needed to grow.

Be kind to yourself and let your beautiful heart lead you where you need to go. Your system simply could not process much of what happened to you and you're a bit stuck until you discover a way to sort it out, make peace with it and allow similar data to come forward in the future in a way that anticipates it and accepts it, but in a form you can work with. I don't know if this makes sense. I'm having to rewrite my own programming at the moment so that my system doesn't crash again. Please toss anything that does not resonate. Much love to you as always.