Lately, I have been making a strong effort to be honest with my pdoc and therapist. I think it has worked out well so far.

Normally, I have a hard time being fully honest because I am afraid that my therapist and/or pdoc will involuntarily commit me to IP. During these plague times especially, I need to avoid IP if I can.

I usually do not admit to feeling depressed -- at least not right away, anyway. However, today I did. I told my pdoc that I woke up feeling like total s***. The only thing is that I never told him about my suicidal thoughts this morning. (But again, I want to avoid IP. I also should disclose that I have never mentioned suicidal thoughts to ANY professional except once, so I fear that the mere mention of those thoughts will make them pull the IP trigger.. But I hope in the future I can discuss suicidal thoughts with them. Maybe I can do so after the fact to see how they react.)

Anyway, I was also 100% honest with my therapist yesterday about what I was doing (spending money like crazy, pacing around, feeling distracted, etc.). That's how I ended up with a pdoc appt today and a prescription for a second mood stabilizer, with the hopes of stopping my current one.

Here's hoping that the new med works and that it can replace my lamictal. I am glad I was (mostly) honest instead of hiding virtually everything from them. I normally hide things because I am embarrassed or feel super guilty about them. So, I just thought I would share something positive despite feeling so negative right now.