Quote:
Originally Posted by guy1111
I would feel heard if I could say to her without interruption, "I feel disregarded when you xyz. It hurts my feelings" But I would truly truly feel heard if she responded with, "I hear that you don't like it when I xyz. I'm sorry that I hurt your feelings. That was not my intention. If it's important to you, it's important to me. I will work on not doing xyz." Then, I would be in absolute heaven..
|
Wouldn't that be fantastic?! Seriously, it seems so simple yet soooo difficult for some to do. I hear ya, fully. Validation goes a long way.
Quote:
|
She is very sensitive to feeling left out. Personally, I could care less. Not my issue at all. But I go out of my way to make sure she is included in every bloody detail of every event of every day. Why? Because I value her feelings.
|
I see two things here. One, it's not an expectation to involve our partners in every detail as you've described. You are both individuals and in a partnership. It's perfectly healthy for you both to do seperate things from each other. I personally think it's even important to "miss" your partner from time to time. It strengthens the relationship.
Two, it's important to include all members of the family when you "are" spending time together. I feel by you saying you couldn't care less about this is a possible sign that you're starting to disassociate from her.. and I get why. It does matter when our loved ones are feeling left out because we all need to feel valued. If it's an ongoing issue, there's something else going on at the root.. and with you, you've explained what that is.
Quote:
|
The other day I was taking orders for lunch and after I got the kids.. She said, hey what about me? When I got back to the car, I apologized and told her, I know that being left out is a big deal to you. Again, not a big deal to me. I would have just laughed to make her feel better if she forgot to take my order.
|
Well, w all overlook things and it was good you apologized because, again, you excluded her from the family. I don't doubt (and possibly subconsciously) it was to do with all this hurt, and I don't doubt your apologies came off as insincere, even to her. Excluding someone should be "a big deal" for everyone involved. It's a form of bullying. I don't think it was the case in this circumstance but I do believe if you had a more loving relationship, this would be more important to you, as well.. and not just her "problem".
Quote:
|
Recently when trying to pry an opinion out of me on a home improvement project she said "Come on, this is one area where you do know what you are talking about".
|
Yep, your feelings are valid here. That was unnecessary for her to say and very much degrading and disrespectful.