Hey @Fuzzybear,

Yes, the controller and the projector. Two particularly troublesome characters I must say. I'm currently in the process of dealing with a controller, at least in a limited way...

But the kind of projecting I've experienced Fuzzy, time and time and time again, is where the person without so much as knowing the first thing about me, projects, not good qualities on to me, but very bad qualities. They believe in their warped minds that I am the way they believe me to be. They're wrong. And from then on in, it contaminates their whole interaction with me, and it's as plain as day. That kind of person, the projector, I cannot, will not, form a relationship with. They've poisoned any chances from the outset. How I deal with it Fuzzy, is to not engage them any further. It's as simple as that.

Now, on to the controller, whose ways really, in my perceptions of things, are basically saying to us through attempts at control, criticism, and constant negative instruction - "I do not accept the way you are as a person. I want you to be how I want you to be, not the way you already are." And you might be the nicest person in the world, too!! Again, for me, they have first driven a wedge into the attempt at relationship and also caused emotional distress - onto me. I don't want these kinds of interactions in my life, I'm tired of it, as I'm actually a pretty mellow nice guy. They can't see that, so it's doomed.

So, if I can't avoid these people all together, then I limit my interactions with them as much as poss because there's nothing there.

Unfortunately (((Fuzzy))) that's the only approach that resonates with me, my friend, but I do hope it can help you in some way, good Mama-bear.