I try and count my blessings and be grateful. There are a lot of people who have it worse than me. I have certainly had it worse than this. But i'm just so unhappy. Frustrated, irritable, bored. I spend most of the day laying around because i can't tolerate anything. Honestly, i have an Internet connection, i have Netflix -- why am i bored? I just can't stand anything. Scrabble didn't go well today which didn't help. I *did* get emotional watching the protest today. There was an eight minute and forty-six second moment of silence followed by "The Redemption Song." It was very moving. But otherwise just a huge struggle to pass the time. I sat in the lobby just to get a break from this apartment. I hate COVID-19. I enjoy hanging out in malls and restaurants and the airport. All that's not available now. I thought of drinking but it just gives me insomnia and sleep is a better escape than alcohol. Just tolerating life, not enjoying it. Wasting my time away. I'll go to bed now and if i just lay there, what does it matter?