I felt happy and then sad then happy and now really really sad. But it's ok.

I noticed that I get dysphoric depression and euphoric depression.

I wish my mom stuck to teaching me piano. I love piano I'm starting to realize. And I'm like an autistic savant with music - I can play by ear. I'm gifted in music she says. Same with my dad. That's why he gave me his 10 thousand dollar guitar.

My mom was a piano teacher. And I can't play piano. It's not too late right? I just regret so much and keep thinking about the past. I was really dealt a ****** card. I just want to play music at least. But I accomplished nothing in life - Yet want to end it sometimes - Known for nothing and it's just another tragedy for my mom. She knows what she's doing. I don't blame her for anything - She's the best mother in the world. But I feel like I came second to her relationships and her obsessive compulsive cleaning.

All of a sudden my anhedonia is gone and I feel emotions. I'm not sure why.

I guess this was just the way it was meant to be.