Did not sleep very well at all. Woke up at 4 finally, ready to go, so, just got up and made some tea. A little blue so far, not yet really awake. Will eat and drink my tea and see what happens.

I do notice that, while I have not had a major depressive episode recently, I do have symptoms that show up regularly, such as sadness, hopelessness, and a very common one, anhedonia. The problem is worst with the anhednoia, because in me, it often coexists with or creates (or something) a lack of motivation to take action of any kind, really. This is bad, as action, like writing, say, almost always makes me feel better. Just sitting around is the worst possible thing for my mood, but it is so incredibly hard to do anything when the motivation part of my brain will not fire. Ugh!! I hate this illness so much for what it robs us of.

So, even though I do not quality for a MD episode, it can still have a big negative impact on my day to day life. Yet another example of how the DSM-V does not accurately characterize what it is actually, really like to live every single day with this illness. It just does not even come close to describing what I, myself, live with. It is a much more broad and expanisve and devastating set of experiences and challenges than described in the manual.

Am going to try to be more intentional. So, will write here that I am really going to try to ride the bike today. Maybe I can make it happen. Also, need to finish a chapter in the novel. So, maybe I can do those two things. Hopefully.

Am just really so heartbrokken at how bad this policing problem is in America. I think these cell phones are finally going to result in some major change. The majority of Americans, I believe, are pissed and heartbroken at what they are seeing. Throwing 75 year-olds to the ground, causing a major head injury? Are you freaking kidding me!!!!!!!!! Freaking monsters. Non-humans. They used to be able to kill and abuse people and then, frequently, not always, of course, I would never suggest that, but frequently, during any "inquest" (and I use the term with dramatic looseness), they would just lie for each other and local District Attorneys, with whom they work every single day on the same team, never, ever, ever attempt to hold them accountable. Grand jury testimony in the USA is secret, by law, so, the public never gets to actually hear the transcripts of the total bullsh** jobs 98% of these DAs do in those rooms. The grand jury system should be immediately outlawed. Kangaroo Court. Totall bullshi**. Always, always, always presented in favor and from the postiion of law enforcement. Complete bullsh**.

Sorry about the rant. So upset about these civil rights violations. I do think some Americans are a bit cocky about our role in the galaxy. Perhaps some of them should see the world, get a little more perspective. Go to London. Go to Beijing and Tokyo and Jerusalem. Definitely, have to go to Hawaii--everyone does. But I digress. See what is going on out there. That said, I do believe that the Constitution is one of the very most important documents written in human history (2nd most important, for me). I do agree with that. As a result, not even 400,000 (or however many there are) violent, dangerous, dishonest cops are going to win this one in the long run. Winston Churchill had my country totally figured out: The Americans can always and totally be counted on to do the correct thing, morally and ethically--just as soon as we have exhausted every other possible option... I think we are getting very, very close.

Am making myself a nice little caramelized zucchini, sharp cheddar, and sage fritatta for brekkie. Yum. I usually make it with fontina and caramelized onions, but this is what I got.

Love and hugs to all!!! I hope everyone has peaceful days. I love you all so very much.