Thanks for coming through for me. Reading your notes yesterday coming thru NJ - not the nicest part of it, either - gave me something . . . like a big warm hand to hold onto. My niece, driving, and my sister, navigating, were appropriately preoccupied, and I felt alone in the back seat. It means so much to me that members here at PC have followed my story through my threads and offer warm support now.

My sister and my niece are taking good care of me, which is why I can honestly say I am not depressed. Yes, I mourn . . . but not every second of every hour. Right now I'm in a bubble bath my sister drew for me, sipping a wine spritzer my niece thought would be good for me. It is helping get rid of tension and body aches.

Here is my main problem right now. I was never close with my bf's adult children. Their mother was always wonderful to me both she and her 2nd husband. She told me that her kids distanced themselves from their dad, after the divorce, because he became a problem drinker. (Literally hit the skids. We all never knew when he was going to go on a spree.) She said that spilled over into how they treated me because I was with him. She told me she was sorry and advised me not to take it personally. At any family fhnction I attended, she and her second husband made me feel included. When she died 16 years ago, I felt I had lost the only real friend I had in my bf's family. His adult children were glad he had me in his life. I think it spared them some worries they might otherwise have had. He snd I had moved to the opposite corner of the country. When he developed dementia, they knew I made sure all his needs were met. I didn't bother them much. I texted them updates when he went in and out of the hospital.

Many months ago, I had is best clothes (suits, nice shirts, etc) dry cleaned and wanted to box them carefully and send them to his oldest daughter. (I would do this quietly, so as not to alarm my bf.) She told me not to . . . that she would select a and buy new things when the time came.

The day before I was to fly and accompany my bf's body 2000 miles, she asked the I bring out or ship out what he needed to be buried in.

I was a wreck, hardly able to pack my own little suitcase. I did resent being asked to do that at the last minute. I expressed that I felt overwhelmed. She sent me a defensive text message - saying this was no time for me to get upset because our minds should be on celebrating his life. Later I called her and the call escalated into her telling me I should know how much she appreciated me caring for her dad. She asked me if I knew the depth of her appreciation. I said I didn't know what to think. Then she started screaming and said for me to doubt her appreciation was "disgusting." She hung up, or I did. Then her husband called me and told me to never call her again. Hr told me that, whatever problem I had, I need to "Deal with it!" Then be hung up.

Tonight I'm worrying that I can never trust anyone. I'm worrying that my sister might get sick of me soon and turn on me. I'm afraid I won't be safe until I get home to my own apartment and stay by myself alone.

My sister is being so nice. I'm afraid this is a pretty bubble that may burst any second. It feels so good being cared for at this time . . . but I keep thinking that maybe I'm in the way.