Feeling low.
I feel like I don't have bipolar or schizoaffective or whathave you. I've had this thought for a while now. My first diagnosis as I said before was ******** because basically my dad told the ddoc "she gets hyper and mad then sad" and they're like "yup bipolar"
I don't havev good luck with therapists. She's just...not helpful. Every session it's "how are you doing?" (fine now) "are you social distancing?"(no, I slept with someone that was protesting) "are you on your meds?"(I havve n injection dipshit you would know if I wasn't) "are you having any symptoms"? (when am I not?) and so on and I don't get to work on things I want to/need to work on. Outside of mania/depression I still have a **** ton of mood swings that's just more like sever e emotions and my relationships suck and I feel empty all the time and I struggle with self harm and drug use and Im' just sad. I haven't been sober a ****ing day in three weeks and no one has a clu. On Tuesday I talke to my t again. I know I just know I'm going to flip out on her if I even answer the damn phone. If I don't I get kicked out of treatment from the whole facillity because that's their ******** rules and no more meds. Even group is better I get to talk for like 10 minutes if that and that's like ever other week but there are hardly any rules and if I don't show up that's fine I don't get kicked out or anything. They're helpful because most of the counselors never got official training. They're just genuine people that care and have been through **** themselves. But yeah, all the individual therapists I've had suck. None of them have ever helped me with anything. Probably the most helpful one was the first one I had that straight up admitted I needed to be admitted and that she couldn't help me. I would search for a new one but I've had like ten or so and again, none of them havve helpe me in the long term and when Im having bad short term issues they just tell me to go to the hospital beforei hurt myself.
"I don't like this air// but that doesnt mean i wont stop breathing it"