Quote:
Originally Posted by MsLady
I'm thinking she may have Body Dysmorphic disorder. If she believes she's "fat" in an XS is a distorted view of self, IMO. She may very well have a food sensitivity that's causing mild water retention.. not a fat issue.
Her career choice. Her "fat" memes and "fat" comments about her husband. Her picky eating and repeated judgments against you.. this DOES seem like mental health to me.
She IS judging you. I believe your weight is bothersome to her. HER weight is bothersome to her. Everyone's weight is. The problem is HER. It's not you and I really DOUBT you're as "fat" and "ugly" as she's making you feel.
I would definitely say something. She's your "friend" afterall, and good friends have healthy boundaries. I'd say something to the GROUP, as I feel they've all been insensitive towards you. They've minimized your concerns and having you believe your interpretation of this is all in your head. If someone liked our outfit, I can guarantee you, we'd KNOW about it. Isn't this a form of gaslighting? I don't suspect they realize, though.
I don't think "fat" memes are funny AT ALL. It's hurtful, judgemental, bully-like, and disrespectful to be doing this to a STRANGER.. let alone, a FRIEND who suffered from an eating disorder. They ALL need Sensitivity Training. Where's their compassion and empathy? Of COURSE it would feed into your anxieties and self doubt. You are HUMAN.
What should you say?
"I would like for all the "fat" comments and memes to stop. I find it very judgmental and degrading to others. Lets instead remember that beautiful people come in all shapes and sizes. We all have strengths and areas we need to address, and as good friends, we can motivate each other and be supportive. I care about you all and this issue is problematic for me as I don't find it to be kind. Please respect my wishes."
.... or something rather.
I'd then pay close attention to how they respond to this boundary. If they can't, ditch them all.
I'm sorry you're going through that. That's horrible. They're suppose to be your friends.
|
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Hi, I agree with everything that you said! You're probably right about every point that you made. I do think that she has issues with her weight and other peoples weight.
The funny thing is that she has not done this to the two other women in the group. She actually complimented one other lady about how buff she is and that she's cute. Not the other one though who struggles with her weight too.
The other woman who is normal sized used to be overweight when she was younger and now she is also a size 12, but she doesn't have a gut like I do since she works out, or maybe has better genes, idk.
Why would she do this to me only? As for the other women, I think that maybe they don't want to get involved or they don't care, so they're maybe trying to tell me that I'm misinterpreting things like you said.
What's worse, is that maybe they agree with what she's doing and they think that I'm to fat and that I need to be shamed into loosing weight. Ironically, this woman used to have a gorgeous friend who'd comment on her weight and tell her that she's not as pretty as her, so you'd think she would be more sensitive to this kind of thing.
She stopped talking to that woman and stopped being her friend after awhile. She might deny things and tell me that she's just looking at my outfit, but if she was admiring my outfit, she'd probably say something like you said.
How should I bring this up without making her defensive? I was thinking I could call her out by telling her in the group something like this: "Why are you looking at me up and down? What's wrong, did I spill something on my clothes? lol.
Do you or anyone else have any good suggestions to offer me? She might have body issues like you said as well. She's tiny at 5'3 and 123lbs., but I thought that she was under 110lbs. before. She has muscle, but she's not bulky. And you're right, the fat memes and jokes are rude. The fact that the other women laugh at them isn't OK either.
I forgot to mention that one time I did let her know that I didn't appreciate her remarks when we all went out to Christmas dinner and I ordered an app to share with all four of us and one appetizer for me that was corn and an entree.
She then said that's a lot of food to order. I reminded her it's not all for me. I then said it's Christmas dinner, can we not worry about calories now? The other women said nothing.
Then she told me she was joking, right! I think that's how shell react to me if I say anything, deny things.